The Skeleton Club.

It's very difficult for me to let go, on such an open blog. I kept an anonymous blog because I wanted an outlet, but then I realised I disliked the very reason I began it - the anonymity, the feeling that I was being somehow untruthful. One of my little quirks; starting a blog where I could lie and feeling in some way too guilty to fully utilise that one little comfort. It didn't help that I gave out the address and allowed people in, it tainted the purpose somehow, and meant I stopped the posts as I couldn't relax. It's not that I distrust those who I offered it to, it's just that to let them in instantly put me on my guard, and I realised that these people had access to intimate details about my life, and if I continued to use the blog they would indubitably learn details that I would rather keep very much locked away. The skeletons in my closet have plenty of room to dance around privately, without giving them public licence to embarrass me too.

It brings me to wonder whether I can ever truly open up like I'd love to be able to. Annoyingly, I know it would make me a far better writer, if I could attain a certain candor that as of yet I haven't been able to bring to my words. Connection is the key, and so far it has totally eluded me.

It's another reason I'd like to introduce more of my fictional writings to this blog; the falsity a writer like myself loves because it deflects attention from their own weaknesses, both literary and personal. This blog becomes a daunting challenge when it's centred upon 'reality', as it means I have to focus on myself - and if I don't like writing about my deeply personal thoughts and feelings, what else is left to say? It becomes hollow, stodgy and stale, missing the passion that a blog (essentially an internet diary) deserves.

So how do I change this? Do I even want to change this? Is it possible? I really don't know.

Initially this blog post had been entitled 'The Patriot', in relation to my recent trip to the Isle of Skye, which was both breathtaking and inspiring. And it was then that I realised, that to fully explain all of the emotions that the island had awoken in me, I had to understand and relate to the reasons I had connected to the place so entirely. The idea of the Skeleton Club came naturally, it seemed to fit perfectly with what I began writing about... The troubles and issues that have thus far prevented me from writing as well, as emotively and as eloquently as I want to. Skye, my writing, the skeletons - everything so intricately interconnected.

Opening up will take time, and I don't think I'm over-dramatising when I say that. My family know about this blog, they can see it, and if I'm entirely honest they know very little about who I really am and what I have endured as a person, and that really does restrict me, in bonds that I don't know if I'll be able to shake. My problem is that I offer excessive and unnecessary care to the thoughts of others, but hopefully time will erode the self-consciousness and the insecurity that have so far hampered my passion.

Wish me luck.

Prolonged Absences...

...Make it far more difficult to begin again.

I've been trying to kick-start this blog again for weeks, if not months now. I won't lie, a lot of my motivation just seemed to have vanished, with every aspect of life, but I'm beginning to view things with a sharper sense of focus now and things need to change. They just need to get better, simple as that.

My boyfriend has a beautifully simplistic view of the world, and I'm going to attempt to let that view wash over me too; me, the over-complicating, complex nutjob. As a luxury for a girl who drives herself to the brink of insanity on a near daily basis, I'm treating myself to a little dose of 'simple'.

And so I have some simple goals:

• Write, and write for me. One of my favourite quotes by Cyril Connolly - "Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
• Sing again. For no reason, for no purpose, other than for enjoyment. Why must everything in life, be it hobbies, passions, loves, tattoos, be categorised and necessarily meaningful?
• Adopt a new way of looking at the future. And decide what I want to do with my life, not what makes anyone else happy or proud.
• See more of the people that make me smile, and laugh, and cry. Friendships are easily faded and I want mine to remain bright, shiny, untarnished by time.

Are these too idealistic? Possibly. Will I try my best to hold on to them? Absolutely.

Hopefully, I'll get the chance to blog again soon, and for longer. Maybe I'll start requesting topics, who knows...

Just because it was my choice.

Doesn't make it any easier. I am sorry.

Because there's nothing left to say and this will say it all.

Well you've done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing, we're just one big family
It's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure

There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Do you want to, come on, scootch over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'll be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
so please don't, please don't, please don't.
There's no need to complicate
'cause our time is short
This oh, this oh, this is our fate, I'm yours.

Bring me the world.

Away from the lens.

Well, I know this blog is primarily concerned with my modelling, but at the same time I'm going to be cheeky and use it for my not-quite-so-exciting personal life too.

As anybody truly close to me will now, things have been pretty rocky recently in a lot of ways, and I've been coping with a lot of things, which I won't go into on my public blog (I have an anonymous one for that!)

But it's getting to the point that something has to give, and now, it has given. Because of financial strains, we were seriously considering giving up our flat and moving back home anyway but what we also realised is that doing so would give me the opportunity to do something I've always, always wanted to do - save money to go travelling. Since I started at university, if I'm entirely honest, I have utterly detested it; it has single-handedly sapped every ounce of passion I have for the subject - sucked it bone dry and snapped the shards. So I'm taking myself out of the situation for a year.

My parents seem to think I'm stupid enough not to return to my studies after a year, but I know myself that I have to - I have far too much ambition, and my life plans don't include me being stuck in a dead end job. I'm taking a year out, before my grades start to matter, and then I'll go back and I will succeed. They don't seem to realise that the doubt they have in me just reinforces my need to do well, but perhaps that's why they're discouraging me? I suppose underneath it all I'm still a quiet rebel; tell me I'm going to fail and I'll do anything I can to prove you wrong. Tell me I can't do something and I will dig my heels in all the way, even if it causes me to blister and stumble. Don't you all know me well enough by now?

Well anyway, I have the most itchy feet possible. I have always had this wanderlust, and in all honesty I blame the Lyon genepool for that (even though it's that side of the family trying to stop me now - and yes, I do know you're reading!). I love the thought of getting out a map, and taking a random chance on where the pin will land... I could follow it around the globe, soaking up every city, every country, every culture en route. I want to experience everything this world has to offer, and I'm not content to settle with the small corner I've already sampled.

So once I've sat my second year exams, I'm going to be sitting plotting, poring over travel brochures until I can come up with that perfect itinerary! I'm having trouble deciding between continents at the moment, and I don't have the budget to see all three of the ones I'm leaning towards - North America, Australia, and Europe. But I will see at least one of them, now it's just choosing which one.

I can't wait.

A shot from the Cameo Art House shoot.

This shot is by the lovely James Thomas, taken in the Cameo Cinema in Edinburgh... Such a fantastic location; sumptuous red velveteen seating, antique detailing with cornices and pillars, old fashioned cinematic screen complete with those lovely old curtains. There were six of us in total; me, James, his assistant Yoshi, another model - Ieva Jankovska, and the make up artist and stylist, Ola Kowalonek and Karla von Denkoff, who I've had the privilege of working with on numerous occasions now :)

London calling.

So, as any readers will know, after I came back from the trip with the girls, I was due to fly down to London to meet with an agency. Well, that happened, but as any of my fellow facebookers will know, it didn't exactly go as planned.

On the Sunday evening, I accomplished a personal first - flying alone to London Luton airport. I was irrationally terrified at the prospect of a) looking like a terrorist, b) beeping going through the arch of terror in security, c) forgetting my passport, d) any other number of possible airport disasters I was more than likely to run into. But! I managed to get through all the traumas successfully, and arrived at the airport feeling pretty proud of myself (yeah yeah yeah, I know I'm a massive sad act.) Linda was there waiting to pick me up, and it was so good to see her. We often talk on facebook, so it was lovely to be able to sit and have a proper 'real life' chat with her, and her home was beautiful... I had my own, gorgeous room and in all honesty I wouldn't have left two days later if I didn't have to!

Well anyway, on Monday I had an appointment at 1pm with an agency, so Linda dutifully dropped me at Windsor train station (because she's lovely like that), and I got the train to Waterloo, from there catching a cab to King's Road in Chelsea where the agency have their main premises. I had been nervous about the meeting, but was also feeling relatively positive as they had specifically asked me to go and see them. However, I was told when I got there that I was too fat for editorial work, and too tall for any commercial... They half-heartedly told me they could put me on their books and try and find me some bits and bobs of work, but that I would be way down on their priority list and it would be unlikely they'd find me work. I have to be honest, hearing that was quite a blow, especially considering in our email exchange the head booker had been really enthusiastic about my images. The girl that interviewed me, on the other hand, said I had 'nothing of any use or worth' in my portfolio. In all honesty, after the way they spoke to me, I chose to refuse their lacklustre offer of representation - surely, the whole point of being signed to an agency is that their job is to actively find you work? If the agency don't believe in me, why should anyone else? So I bid them good day, and wandered down to another couple of agencies on King's Road.

Neither of these two agencies wanted to add me to their books; however, they were so, so much more helpful than the first (and funnily enough, way more established and respected than the first). I had a lot of positive feedback; both told me I had a beautiful face and that I could do really well, but that I wasn't quite right for them. One of them sat with me for quite a while, just to urge me not to give up, which I took to be a really positive sign. The booker also said to give it another six months, expand my book a little more and try again, so that's certainly something to aim for, is it not!?

I tried three other agencies that day, and was actually almost signed to one. The two bookers that I spoke to really liked me, and had even offered me representation, before the head booker came along and veto'd it because they already had a girl on their books who had a similar look. Which was a little irritating, but again, not exactly hugely negative... Hey, if someone that looks like me is already on the books of an agency, that can only be a reassuring thought :)

By the end of the day, I was feeling quite disheartened - a little frustrating to be continually told, "You're really good and we love your face, but no, you're not quite right for us. But keep trying!" I began to think, well... where do I keep trying? But then I realised that I had achieved something that a lot of girls might not - I went to London, and spoke to some of the biggest agencies in the country, and received no overtly negative comments, only encouragement for the most part. So in the end, I flew out of Luton airport not on a low from coming home without a contract, but feeling positive that a contract may happen eventually, but even if it doesn't materialise, I absolutely love what I'm doing, and I will continue to do it with or without the representation of an agency :)

And since coming home, I have had interest from an agency in Manchester, and a commercial agency in London... So, all hope is not lost, and positivity is absolutely key :) And I'm not going to allow myself to worry about whether something will or will not come from it; the interest is enough to renew my confidence in the work I'm producing, and although I'm about to spout a most tired cliché - what will be will be.

Aaaaaand some out-takes ;)

These photos make me very very happy; let's do it again soon :) <3

Edwin Firminger.

Edd is amazing - we're going to go and play I-Spy from Ayres Rock, in Tokyo and on the statue of Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro :)

Gary Hill.

This man made me realise that commercial is not the enemy; it's to be embraced :) And he makes a cracking cuppa too.

Gareth Hickey.

Took care of me when I was run-down and ill... What more can you ask for?

Phil Winterbourne.

My personal trainer from afar. Oh, and he also takes quite a good photograph too ;)

Jay Mawson.

I could post every single one of the photos from this shoot, but here's a few favourites. The man is a genius.

Kat Timmins.

Kat is a real gem, all you models should be snapping at her heels! :)

Nicholas Ainsley.

I have so far received back one shot from the lovely Mr Ainsley :)

A blog in several parts.

I've left it ridiculously long to post on here, so I'm going to post a few different ones today so I don't totally obliterate my poor, tired, confused brain.

I'll start off with a long overdue post about mine, Chrissie and Sarah (Valentina Velvet)'s trip around the north of England... I'm so worried that I've left it too long to properly do justice to what was a fabulous, memorable and utterly exhausting week, but I'll sure as hell give it a go. The three of us are lucky enough to have the memory of it imprinted in our heads, and I'll try and give the rest of you as good a glimpse as possible, even if it is a little sketchy on the details.

In our little five day tour, I managed to incorporate five major towns, three countries, eight shoots and a whirlwind of new faces and experiences. The photographers I was lucky enough to work with, in order of meeting, were Kat Timmins, Nicholas Ainsley, Steve Gabbett, Jay Mawson, Phil Winterbourne, Gareth Hickey, Gary Hill and Edwin Firminger, and I have nothing but thanks and praise for all of them. I know a couple of them took a real chance on me, and I'm so grateful because I really do feel their investment was worth the while. The whole week has, I feel, really advanced me as a model and that is exactly what I had hoped to achieve; the images I have received from those five days... Well, let's just say I find it difficult to attribute those images to the clumsy, awkward girl I'm used to seeing in the mirror! Some of those images have captured aspects of me that I adored bringing to life. It's difficult to comprehend sometimes that I've only been modelling for three months, but I want to keep striving, keep evolving, and above all else, keep creating.

So although I could go into a lot more detail, that is how I want to preserve my week, so I'll say nothing more about the photographic side of things... But look out for some pictures in the following posts :)

And now, I'll talk about the two people that managed to take the week from fabulous, to extraordinary - my girls, my wonderful girls, Chrissie and Sarah. I really don't want to go over the top and gush sickeningly (that is so not my style), but it would be difficult to describe these two, and my experiences with them, without a little bit of sick-bag gushing. Put simply, I now consider the two of them to be two of my best friends, and I have total trust and respect for both of them... I find it quite difficult to find and keep true friends, so I know that I'm onto something special here; two lovely girls that I can have a massive, hilarious riot with, but also talk to about bloody anything! We are going to plan the next one very very soon, so watch this space England - we're coming for you ;) Ladies, it's a pleasure, and I love you both, Miss Elongated and Miss Juicy :) <3

The time for action is now.

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. I am sick to the back teeth of feeling like a lardy fat git, even if I'm not one. Let's be honest, I am a lardy fat git when it comes to modelling, and I'm really getting fed up of it - I want to feel good about myself, and get back to the weight I was before, I was much happier with my body then. And come on, which agency is going to want me the weight I am currently?

I've been trying everything, but I have to admit last week I had a relapse because I was just feeling pretty shitty, and while that's no excuse, it happened and I can't retract the pounds added! I'm now planning to go for this full throttle, I need to be so strict with myself. It will be oh so easy to give in to temptation but in all honesty, a tub of Haagen Dazs isn't really going to land me a place in an agency, but hard work might. That's the goal I have in my head, the final mirage, the oasis at the end of a desert laiden with cakes and other assorted devilish treats.

Recommended by Norma, I've signed up to a fitness website that allots you calories, and you input exactly what you've eaten in a day, so there's no room for error when it comes to calorie counting. I also got an exercise bike after I was kindly given a lot of help and great advice from a photographer I really respect and admire - I'm going to aim to be using it as much as possible, surely when you have long legs it must be a bit easier? No!? Okay, maybe I'll just collapse in a heap on the floor... Maybe the fall will lose me some extra calories. AAAAAARGH!

Wish me luck please :(

So this is what I used to look like...

Y'know, I love my almost-ginger hair and all.... But times like these? God, I wish I had black hair again! Maybe I'm just nostalgic about that stage of my life? So easy to look back with rose-tinted glasses, but I think now I probably wouldn't be anywhere else, but here.

Preparation is key.

I really need to start reciting this to myself on a daily basis... Organisation is not my strong suit. Hey, I'm still impressed that I've managed to set down a five-day mini tour of the north of England with Chrissie and Sarah, plus booking flights down to London by myself (eeeek!) to meet with agencies.

Which probably means that in the coming weeks, something will go very, very wrong. I am actually a very optimistic person usually, quixotic even. But I know myself dangerously well, and I am quite possibly the clumsiest, hashiest person I know, and I tend to make very rash decisions; facts that seem to scare the living daylights out of my parents and boyfriend alike. I have this trip too well planned for my liking!

I'm now thinking I need to get myself a proper portfolio printed... I'll get myself a proper, professional looking book to take into Oxygen, and the various other agencies I'm going to attempt to canvass while I'm down there. I've given myself a bit of a kick up the backside this morning - last night I was morose about a fantastic opportunity, something I should be relishing, not grumbling and griping over. Even if nothing comes of it, I'm in a fantastic position for a London agency to be wanting to see me, and I have no right to be complaining about it. I'm going to get myself down there, my lovely cousin Linda is picking me up to stay at her place in Windsor, and then I'll go see them and I'll do my bloody best to get them to offer me a spot on their books. Positive thinking Rachael, positive thinking! I can worry about the consequences if and when they offer me a contract.

I can tell that the tail-end of this week is going to be lovely. I can't wait to leave work tonight and go and spend some quality time with my lovely boyfriend - we don't get to see each other as much as I'd like to at the moment, and I constantly feel like I'm neglecting him. We had a rocky patch recently but we got through it like we always do, and I just want to show him I'm still there. Then tomorrow I'm going back through to Livingston, my hometown, to see my beautiful best friend Clair-Marie :D I haven't seen her since her birthday and I am so excited to go for a bite to eat and have a really good catch up. I always miss her when we don't see each other, but I know the best friend I could have because when we do get around to seeing each other, there's no awkwardness, just easy familiarity and lots of laughter. And then on Saturday, I'm heading back through to town with Michael's mum and sister, Norma and Caileigh, to go shopping for Caileigh's wedding dress. As lead and only bridesmaid, I've been conspiring with Norma with military-like precision... Cailz won't know what's hit her ;) Going to be a really good few days!

About time...

Okay, I am fully aware that I haven't updated in ridiculously long, so it's about time I did so again. Truth is though, I've been doing so much that I genuinely don't know how to get it all out in one go... Where do I even start? I should also be elated tonight but instead, I feel a kind of numbing deflation and it's not particularly enjoyable.

I've been doing so much to try and better myself, modelling wise, and I'm really proud of what I've managed to achieve in such a short space of time. I feel a strong sense of accomplishment every time I finish a shoot, or every time I get a new email, full of lovely, shiny new images to gobble up, devour and pick apart. I like that I'm slowly getting photographers message me to tell me they want to work with me, and all the while I'm thinking... But why? I'm just a normal girl, yet I'm getting almost daily offers of people wanting to photograph me, and even though some of the offers are a little salacious, it's such a positive step in the right direction and I'm grateful to anyone that wants to work with me. I've been amazingly lucky in who I've managed to work with so far, and with who I have lined up in the coming weeks, it's going to be very, very exciting!

And today I had an offer that should have made me jump with joy, and in all honesty it did make me jump with joy... Initially. I emailed an agency, a great agency, down in London and if I'm being as honest as I should be in a blog, I expected to hear nothing back. So it was with fluttering, anticipatory breaths and jittery fingers on the keyboard that I clicked on the 'one new message' in my email inbox. They had replied almost immediately, asking when I could go down to see them and that they'd love to have me into the agency to liaise. I think that's possibly the moment my heart stopped. This is what I've been working towards, this is exactly what I want, this is my dream and at the moment everything else pales in comparison. I may not have been doing it very long, but when I'm on a shoot, everything goes into it. Physically, every part of my body is modelling, and my brain is concocting my character, my next pose, my facial expressions. I love it, it's pure exhilaration, and I'm sure a lot of people don't understand the fascination.

Essentially, it's sheer escapism. In front of a camera, I can adopt a whole other persona, and for a girl that has struggled lifelong with poor self esteem, it's a fantastic feeling. Now I have the opportunity to make a real go of things; this could become not just a big part of my life, like it is now, but my whole life. If I'm honest, I'd love it to. But in another, childish sense, I'm scared. I have so much to give up if they need me to move down to London. Up here, I have a safety net, and down there I would be freefalling with nobody there to catch me - could I really survive without that backing? It scares me that I'm not so sure. The love of my life is up here, and I know that he's not willing to leave home for London... And why should he? This is my dream, not his, and I refuse to enforce it on him. I'd love for us to do this together, but I can't see it happening and I don't know if our relationship could survive the long-distance. The thought makes my chest ache a little bit, it's all just a little too painful for consideration, as dramatic and ridiculously soppy as that may sound.

But then again I'm probably getting ahead of myself; I haven't even been to the interview yet, let alone been offered a place on their books. I so do want to be offered a place on their books though... So. My flights are booked; I leave Edinburgh and arrive in London on April 18th, ready for a 1pm meeting with the head booker. I'm already terrified, but I'm a big girl, and this opportunity is far too big to mess up.

I think that'll be all for tonight... I'll try and update this more often in the future.

Phew.

I AM SO HAPPY. Yes, that's right, I am so happy I am speaking in capitals... And that's just extreme happiness, isn't it?

So much to say, and I'm not sure how to make it coherent, all this information is just fighting to come out, spill over onto the surface in no particular order. I'll just go for it, and hope it makes semblance of sense.

So, after my port review I was contacted by a few English photographers, and realised it may be worth considering taking a trip down south, specifically Leeds area initially. I then find that another model on the site, the fabulous Chrissie Red, is already taking a trip with one of her friends, Valentina Velvet, and that I am more than welcome to go with them... After checking with work I could get the time off, it was a definite plan! Chrissie has already booked the first 3 days - 1 night in Newcastle, 2 nights in Leeds - and the remaining 2 nights will be in Liverpool and Preston. Excited? Oh yes, I think so. In all honesty, it's going to be a huge experience for me in a lot of ways - I'm still relatively new to modelling so this will be my first trip to seek out shoots, as well as being my first trip away that is essentially alone. I think I'm going to miss my boyfriend Michael terribly, as we've not spent more than a night apart since moving in together. I think what I'll miss the most though is telling him about my adventures every night, and having him tease me but be secretly proud anyway. But this is going to be such a good experience and a good opportunity, and five days really isn't all that long! I love that I have someone that supports me like he does.

I just need to get my finger out and get some more shoots booked over those five days; just posted a casting for the Newcastle date so hopefully will have some offers from that soon, fingers crossed.

So aside from that, I did a shoot last night with the amazing Andrew Moore, and met Fiona Henderson, who is a lovely and exceptionally talented make-up artist. Working with them both was so much fun, I have to say it took a while for me to get into my stride for whatever reason, but after some time I think I managed to let go :) Don't know what was wrong with me in the beginning, but Andrew has assured me he still got plenty of usable shots. The shoot didn't finish til 1am so I'm understandably a bit knackered today (I was working at 7.30am yesterday morning so had been up nearly 24 hours...) but I still think it was well worth it. Hopefully poor Andrew and Fiona will think the same! They were really great though, both at making me feel comfortable and being insanely generous with their time. Yay!

Tomorrow I have a shoot with Sam Williamson again, really looking forward to it. This time we'll have a make up artist, Amber Khan. Only problem is, we need some more doll-like clothing, and none of the dress shops are keen on loaning us anything, so it's getting a little frustrating. The theme is broken doll, and I'm sure we'll pull something off without any loaned items, but they would have been helpful! Sunday brings the shoot with Timea, and a nice 5am start, so that we can leave Edinburgh by 7, eeeeek. Going to be a great shoot though so it will all be worthwhile :)

Quick diet update - I think I'm doing pretty well with the eating healthily part (contrary to popular belief I am not a massive scoffer of chocolate and other assorted beacons of fattyness), but the exercise is still proving elusive to me. Now I know I can do 400 crunches in a night, but that doesn't mean I necessarily want to. I am just too impatient, I want results now and I'll get bored if I don't get any instantly. Now before I get any messages saying that's a ridiculous attitude, I am fully aware of that, and I know full well I'll need to put effort into it. Believe me, I'm trying, and I'm working on it. Urgh :(

Think that's all for now... Be back soon I'm sure.

Not so pretty things.

I don't think I could have looked any less like a model today, got up late and headed to work with scraped back hair, hastily applied make-up and a massive baggy jumper paired with leggings. It wasn't the prettiest thing in the world. But I still feel so good!

I'm having such a positive time at the moment, and the end of this week will be pretty incredible - I have three shoots and I'm really looking forward to each of them. I seem to have really lucked out, as they say, since I've only really been modelling since December, but I think the people I have worked with have been fabulous.

I am realising now though that I'll need to shift a little bit of weight; not lots, but at the moment I'm not quite at the required 'model' level yet. I am considering joining a gym, but my lack of a gym-buddy means I'm procrastinating. The only thing worse than the thought of me in gym gear, sweating profusely and collapsing of heart failure in front of a load of beautiful, shapely people, is the thought of me in gym gear, sweating profusely, and collapsing of heart failure in front of a load of beautiful, shapely people ALONE. I'm of the Phoebe from friends branch of fitness - all flailing arms and absolutely no co-ordination. Plus, myself and good fatty food have a long-held, deep relationship... I think it would be positively unfaithful for me to start a new one with the salad. Right?

Beautiful People

Just back from having a little drink with Timea and her lovely partner... What amazing, remarkable people they are! I think I had one of the most genuinely interesting conversations that I've had in a long time, and so now I can't wait to shoot with her next weekend.

It's lovely to find a person that shares the same passion for literature as well, and who is actually able to hold a discussion over works that run a little deeper than PS I Love You or Danielle Steele. Plus, anyone that likes Kundera is a hero in my eyes. My mission now is to find her some good old-fashioned, gritty Scottish literature for her to sink her teeth into, and in return she'll put me on to some of her native Hungarian poetry :) And that's a pretty good deal, I think.

I posted my very first portfolio review thread on Purestorm today as well, expecting a barrage of insults and critical opinions with possibly some slight glimmers of positivity poking through the gloom. What actually happened was spectacularly refreshing - no negative comments at all (so far anyway), simply nice comments and where required, constructive critique. For someone who doesn't have the highest levels of self-confidence, that was a pretty good feeling, and I hope I can just keep getting better from this.

I have to say, I'm so glad I started this blog now... I have the feeling it may be used and abused...

And so it begins.

So I figured while I'm sitting in work, watching the tourists like the battle-hardened people watcher that I am, I could for once put my time to good use and actually begin this blog.

Yesterday was a good day for me. In terms of weather, Edinburgh was less than glorious; with lashings of hard, cold rain, and that terrible soul-destroying wind that bites and scrapes relentlessly. If there is one weather condition I utterly detest, it's wind of that nature and strength, it just destroys everything! I had another reason to loathe the conditions yesterday, as they had ruined plans for an outdoor location shoot with the lovely photographer Sam Williamson.

But as both of us had been so excited about shooting together, we decided to try something simple indoors in Sam's father's flat. I instantly fell in love with the place - cosily and beautifully decorated with stylish touches; plush antique-looking leather armchairs, old Edinburgh architectural features. Considering it was meant to be a 'simple' shoot, I think we did pretty well, and had about 6 outfit changes. It was also my first attempt at a shoot without a make up artist present, but I'm pretty pleased at the results I achieved myself! Can't wait to see the finished product, and Sam herself is so lovely, I'm glad that we're getting to rearrange the cancelled outdoor shoot. :)

Tonight I'll be meeting with a photographer called Timea Porubszky to discuss a shoot next Sunday, and her concept is fabulous so I'm pretty excited. More details on that after the shoot I think! I definitely have a lot to look forward to in the next week or two.

But now I'd better head back to the mundane, I work in a highland tour company, where I'm sure tourists are hired professionally just to aggravate me... Hopefully I'll get a chance to update again soon though, as I didn't realise how much I had to say until I started saying it!

Hello Blogspot.

Okay... This is my very first blog, so I apologise in advance if it is somewhat less than illuminating. Although I have to say, I'm really hoping this will end up being an outlet for me; I love to write (it's why I'm a Literature student) but in recent months I've been letting it slide. This is my way of combining two passions, the new and old; writing and modelling.

This blog will be used as a kind of diary to my new schedule, and my new pursuits, news of shoots and some photos from them, with some of my 'real life' thrown in the mix as well. I am under no illusion that this will be interesting to anyone other than myself, but hey, it's my blog right!?

Hope to update properly soon :)